My jeans are tighter. Now what?
Happy Friday, friends!
Last week, I told you how I got rid of the scale over twenty years ago and don't weigh myself because it hinders me from having a healthy relationship with food and myself. I don't use a scale to measure my health. I measure it by: how I'm feeling, my energy level, and how my clothes fit.
And guess what? My jeans are tighter. It's no fun admitting this. But when I decided that I would become a blogger, I knew I would have to put myself out there. That I would have to be transparent. So, here it is. I've clearly gained weight. And I'm sure it's not muscle weight. I feel fuller and my clothes are telling me I am. These last few weeks I've definitely had my moments of frustration with this wondering, how did this happen? I eat healthy. I exercise. What am I doing wrong?
But I know I'm NOT doing anything WRONG. I'm finally living life the way I want to live it. I am eating food I really WANT to eat, like lasagna. Before, I would have not eaten it because it has too many carbs and cheese. But now I am enjoying food. I am eating intuitively. Yes, I do eat healthy meals most of the time. But I'm not restricting myself. I'm not depriving myself.
The mistake we make is when we think intuitive eating is a diet or that we will lose weight doing it. But it isn't a diet. It is eating, while truly listening to our body and honoring it. For example, eating when I am hungry, stopping when I'm satisfied (not full), not waiting to eat because it's "not lunch time yet", asking myself "what is it that my body wants to eat right now that will make it feel good?" Sometimes it's fish and salad, but sometimes, it's lasagna.
Then there's the other part of my frustration. My jeans are tighter, yet I work out 3-5 times a week. Well, I can tell you I don't spend an hour at the gym anymore. I exercise about 30-35 minutes, tops. (When I teach my class I'm talking and teaching more than exercising) And I'm not going crazy during my workouts trying to get to the point of passing out with exhaustion. I'm exercising because I want to. I'm moving my body because I GET TO. I'm doing the exercises that I like and want to do. Not the ones a body builder is doing on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...etc. My goal is not to become a body builder. My goal is not to be "cut and shredded" (not that there is anything wrong with that! You do you). But I don't want to go back to those days, where my life revolved around my meal planning and my gym routine. I was not happy.
So although I'm happy now, it is hard knowing I've put on some weight because my past issues with dieting and obsession creep up. The voice that says, you should diet and do a fast and exercise longer gets in my head and tries to get me to feel like I have to do those things to be happy. That I have to wear a size 2 to be happy, accepted, and liked by others. But I've been there and I wasn't happy. I thought having abs would bring me happiness, but the road trying to get those abs was misery and it's just not for me.
God has made us each individually unique. Our weight does not define who we are and it does not determine our level of "fitness". I am healthy. I am strong. And I'm fine just the way I am. The fear and the LIE that creeps up inside is, if I don't diet or lose these "extra pounds" I will just continue to gain weight. But I refuse to believe that lie. I have to just keep focusing on eating healthy foods, making sure I get my veggies in every day, and keep moving my body as I am now. I know if I keep doing what I'm doing now, I will continue to be ok.
"I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this." ~ Psalm 139:14 (GWD)