It took me over a decade to do this!
I did something that was crazy for me!.....
After over a decade of the same hair style, I cut my hair! It may not be that crazy for someone else, but to me, it was scary!
I've always seen my curly, long hair as something that makes me attractive. People have always complimented me on my hair, so I've grown very attached to it, thinking that without it, I am ugly or unattractive. As a woman (I'm sure women reading can relate!), I want to feel beautiful and accepted. But in recent months, I've felt the urge for a change and to cut my hair. I kept talking myself out of it and held back, because I was afraid. I was afraid of what other people thought of me and my looks. And I realized I was holding onto this "material thing" as if that it is what completes and defines me. When I came to this realization, it was almost as if I HAD to let go and just DO. IT. I had to "conquer my fear". And that's just what I did. (Besides, it's just hair! It will grow back!!)
While sitting in the chair to get my hair cut, I was nervous and all these thoughts went through my mind (again, going back to the lies and fear that I would look ugly), but once it was over, I felt FREE. I felt light. I felt confident and like a new creation. I felt awesome! (I have always admired people who aren't afraid to be different and/or bold with their style. I see them as unique and confident. I finally felt as free as one of these people). I wanted to go around and say, "Hey! Did you see my hair? I cut it! Can you believe it?!"...haha
Even though my husband and kids don't like my new hair style (they made it clear by telling me so), it's OK! They don't have to like it. I do, and that's what matters.
When I think about it, I feel silly that I placed so much value on my hair - as if it was a prized possession. I let it define who I am. But we are so much more than our hair, our bodies, what name brand wardrobe we wear, what car we drive, what job we have. And I'm not saying we shouldn't care about our health, our body, or how we look. Or that we shouldn’t desire nice things. But when we place our value on these things, it becomes an idol that we are holding onto for the sake of self worth, and no matter what we have, it is never enough because we will continually want something else or more.
In the end, what we all want is to feel fully known and fully loved for who we are. Although we may have people around us who love us, this deep acceptance and love beyond our own comprehension can only come from the One who formed us and knows the number of hairs on our head. (Luke 12:7).
I believe God doesn’t want us to hold back our true selves. He wants us to have courage to show our unique character, which He wants to use for his glory. (Our most natural, true, and deep desire is to know God).
I pray that what others really see in me is my heart and not my physical looks. I'm not perfect. But I can try to be true to myself and try to live a life that honors God. That is my ultimate goal.
PS: The picture above is my new look (two bottom "After" photos) - to many of you, you may not see a big difference! But it's above my shoulders and it's cut more like a lob (aka long bob) and that was huge for me.
PSS: I actually hesitated posting this blog because the enemy was trying to bring me down by saying I was being silly, and that cutting my hair wasn’t that big of a deal; that my readers will think this is a “dumb” blog post. But sorry, Satan, I’m going to be ME. #DoWhatScaresYou
“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”